started the day rather slow today. weekend is something that i don't really look forward nowadays. sleep is more of a necessity rather than the need to rest. slept around 4:30am this morning and woke up around 8:30am. had promised my sis that i would pick up my mom and send her to the dentist. i'm ok with that. at least i can see her and chat with her, since i didn't see her last weekend.
my mom is a typical old school minang woman; great cook, moody, say what she want to say, demanding and use to beat the hell out of me when i was a kid for my misdemeanor. but than again shes the only mom that i got and i love her. she had tried her best and i don't expect any better than what she has given. i'm cool with that. when i reached her place, she was laying on the sofa. as i walked and and just about to sit beside her, i noticed that she has been crying. with a very sad voice, she said she in pain and she has to go thru it alone. she has this nerve kind of pain on her face for several years and it is worst now since it has effected her gum and teeth. she in extreme pain most of the time. as she was crying i can see that she is in pain.
as i wipe her tears, i try not to cry. i don't want her to see that i'm sad. she need love and strength from me, but i can't deny that i feel helpless... only god know how sad and helpless i felt. i wish i have more to offer. i wish i have more energy to give her. i wish i have bigger and longer arms so that i can just wrap it around her. i wish i can take the pain away from her. but i cant. i myself is constantly seeking for some extra energy to go thru my daily life. i myself is dragging my legs thru life. i myself is seeking for a helping hand. and all these make me really sad.
after dropping her and my sis at the dentist, i can't help but thinking about her. my head and heart just filled with sadness. sad becos i can't give her more than what i can now. sad that i can't be any stronger than what i am now. sad that i can't offer more of myself to her now. sad that i can't be any bigger that what i am now. sad that i can't.....
i hope i can make her happy during this last part of her life journey. i hope she will get all the happiness she deserves. just like with my late father, i hope i can make her smile when that day finally come...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Zig Ziglar said: Hope is the power that gives a person the confidence to step out and try.
You've been in this rut for far to long bro. I know you're tired and despaired beyond belief.
But let this love for Mak carry you thru: Like a phoenix, it burns itself down so that it can be reborn again.
By doing THIS for yourself, you're doing it for Mak and your kids.
U're a good man Sir Sambal... The big man up there will see to it that you will have a good end..
(word verification = Estor)
Post a Comment