the glass prison

my conversation with missy x

me: if you ever wanna be with someone you should always choose someone that can be your soulmate
missy x: ok.. that sound simple enough but how do you know that this someone is your soulmate or has achieved the "soulmate" brand approval?

my 10 gallon head answer

when it comes to finding partner we always tend to be too focus on the so called 'big' thing i.e. can he/she be responsible?, can he/she takes care of me and maybe the kids? can he/she guide me? we focus too much one those things that it is very usual for us to forget or miss look the small things. we didn't notice that it is the small things that makes all us to be able to do the "big" things without even being ask. it is the small things that the relation last because there are more "honesty" in it. everyone have its own little things or even ritual that is value to them i.e. listening music deeply after a good joint, really watch a movie from the "angle" that both of you can appreciate and discuss about it later.. this are the values that need to be shared and these are the values that make two person "soulmate". he/she is your soulmate when they can share and appreciate those small things or values with you.

unfortunately; the reality to me..

i found my soulmate too much later then it should have been. i have a current "responsibility" and fulfilling it but i'm really into her as well. it makes me a better person. it even make me closer to god. it pushes me to achieve my dream and along the way has a good effect on the current "responsibility". but god just wont let me be with her. i'm frustrated, angry, confuse and sad. i don't understand it.

god.. if it makes me a better human and a better servant why can't you grant me this wish? is it too much to ask? there are times i just don't understand god wisdom.... i'm in a glass prison. i can see that happiness is out there but i can't have it.. fuck!!!!