home sweet home

i'm not really sure what to write actually... in fact i'm not really sure what to feel or how to behave the past few days or so. there's too much sadness, guilt, regret and emptiness in me. and to make things really shitty, there also too much work to be done. crap!!!!

its been really tough trying to juggle my brain from not thinking all those issues in my head and focus on my works. really tough. as i was gulping my ever satisfying warm stout yesterday, a friend of mine keep telling me that i'm not emotionally stable and has always been. hhhmm... maybe i am, but then again what makes me "emotionally unstable" at the first place anyway? crap la... i'm asking question again... fuck you brain... damn you...

well.. to put it in a more politically correct manner i guess i'm just free spirited and eccentric (not weird though) with a huge manic depressive swing somewhere in the middle. i move from one extreme to one extreme like how i smoke nowadays and that mean fucking frequent. dragging my leg through the days its like business as usual nowadays. definitely not a pretty sight. but i must admit alcohol, smoke and weed help though... at the moment...

lately, in between those times that i spaced out (more often nowadays...) i've realised that i'm a free spirited person and flying like a bird cos i'm always looking for a place call home... looking for a sense of belonging...

i've actually found my home and where i belong. i actually found someone that can actually understand me without me having to explain or justify myself. it was great... it was heavenly... but being an asshole that i am, i somehow managed to loose it. its really painful. it really is...

as the days come and go the only thing i hang on to now is hope. hope that miracle might just...

bring it back... bring it back... don't take it away from me
cos you don't know what it mean to me....